Its all in the Depends

I am so nervous for so many things to go wrong in October.  When I look at Facebook updates(usually in the morning and then afternoon) I see something like this:

I  may look like this while running

So I think this is what will be left of me when done? I see other pictures and my stomach starts turning, my head hurts, and I just want to mess my drawers.  What have I got my self into? I can't run without feeling like my insides don't agree with what I'm doing. Running with food not a good idea either



But on a serious not I have not taken it seriously enough.  I'm not doubting my capabilities to run said race.  I mean I did 2 - 100 mile bike rides with no preparation and survived both.  Asthma is under control, feel good when I do run, but that is not enough.

I'm on the hunt for a better stroller, so that I can run with my beast after I drop kids off at school or, if necessary run with the bunch after school, while they ride bikes.  If bike training were to help with running training I'd be fit as a fiddle.  Hey at least its all down hill right? I run better that way naturally so maybe there's one thing in my favor.

Bedroom Make-over

Its a slow post coming, but kids are preoccupied with each other I can sit down and do this. So realistically there are going to be no before pics, cause lets face it who wants to look at my pre messy white room? Moving on: I paint by myself therefore it actually gets done, so no during either:(  On my quest to find color for my room I found this great rug



(which now adorns my living room perfectly)

So onto the bedding I love a great 'steal of a deal' at The Village Quilt Shop. They now know me by name. I was in love with a great duvet but @ $279 I had to walk away until I found my peace.



the pillows are out of sort for this one
they are supposed to be sitting square.



don't mind this its just a giant bed bug



the wall color is Dolphin? by Behr

 My total cost was $ 79 - Quilt
                             $ 50 - Pillows (all 5 colored)
                             $ 30 - Floral Euro shams/pillows at IKEA
Now I'm still finding things for the walls and have my heart set on making shelves. And my crib bench might just find its home in the corner, Stay tuned for that one. I might just put up my base boards by myself this weekend, we'll see?

Can we say Remodel!!! Like yesterday???

So this bathroom of ours has not been our luck of the draw. It was painted once after Cailey, then sanded before Whitney, then painted again within weeks. ONLY to be primed and left 'as-is' for the better half of 4 yrs?? Yes its gross even for me. No matter what we do, or don't, it don't matter its the same as it never will be....

Until after I discover this little trick this afternoon prior to decided to give it the 'third times a charm'? Yes this is my paint/drywall peeling off everywhere. I called the husband and told him and we have officially decided it will all come out. So we will finally get a bathroom of 'my dreams'???

this is what my hopes are for the new look:

Just with dark cabinets and no paneling on the wall, just painted.

We'll see when its done along with the basement.

From nothing to something

I thought we had escaped cold/flu season with flying colors? No one got sick, we did not have to do doctors visits. Until now! We had Morgan in the emergency last month, then Tegan with an extremely large Lymph gland(that we thought was going to be surgery) only time will tell what it does now, then Casey to InstaCare for what they diagnosed a Respiratory infection, and then we will end the week with Whitney. Today she had a visit to find out the sore throat is not what the neighborhood has, it is Tonsillitis.

Here's to hoping our 2 wk vacation (out of state) will go smoothly. I hate unfamiliar hospitals, towns, etc...

More Thoughts

Is it still bad if I'd not done what was done, but had been a nag person to person until it came down to making a phone call like I'd done? I feel like it could not have a happy ending without someone thinking an invasion of personal privacy has been violated. I just can't help thinking the rest of my family will suffer for MY actions even though they had nothing to do with it?

More help please!! I had also stated that I did not want un-named neighbor kids in my house because they go through my food pantry, freezer, etc... Eat all my snacks for my own kids and then act like no harm has been done. Do I owe any more of an explanation to said kid's, parents? Am I justified to have rules governing my own home and who has presence here? Who can freely raid my home for there own sugar gain?

I am not out to 'Get' my neighbors, for any reason. Though some may think otherwise if they know all details. That's fine, I have never been a follower/leader of friends. I come off more rough than 80 grit sandpaper. I am me, I try to meet/make new friends but in the end it's more that I have to say I'm a mere acquaintance than anything more. I like quiet, no drama(this weekend not proving so), just enjoy life. I guess maybe I am being harder on myself than necessary? That's how I am and how I argue myself to see the other sides view on my actions. It looks like I will have the rest of my life to get it right and get this 'UgLy' out of me and mind my own business even when I don't see it so. So for now I guess I dodge the neighbor or just go about my life? It could be worse and I could let my bottled up anger out, or they could have a multiple family nightmare living by them?

I'm SoRry, I'm Sorry, I'M SORRY to whom finds out the details and thinks I'm just evil. I will say it over, and over but it will probably not be enough. I guess I'm done rambling my issues, if I bore you or make you mad let me know or stop reading.

Here I go again...

Why do I let little things get to me? I have gone and made some people probably want to hate me forever now. I have just had one rotten week and then I go and make an inquiry, that goes south? I feel so awful, I did not sleep but an hour my stomach feels like a pit of hurt and all I want to do is be mad at myself. The worst of it all is this all has to happen this weekend(07/04)! Why could I have just ignored everything. I tried to talk this morning cause I would not have been able to sit through church with this gut wrenching ache in my stomach(not because of fasting either). I emailed them and wrote out a big apology, but I know it still does not make it better. I told them I would tell them in person if they could stand to sit there with me. Does this help count toward me trying to make it better? If my life were over I'd have to devote my end of days to service toward them. I have prayed about it and I feel nothing I say or do will change anything. I know I was told to not be a pessimist(spelled right?), but it looks like someone keeps dragging it out of me and now I get to pay the price. If misery loves company I guess I will keep him company until I can out drown the guilt I have, and what I did, even with an apology hanging out there.

You can/'t count on ME

It's complicated and that's all I can say. If I vent I may cause ripples where calm water stands.

"It is the aggregate of the acts which I perform through life that makes up the conduct that will be exhibited in the day of judgment, and when the books are opened, there will be the life which I have lived for me to look upon, and there also will be the acts of your lives for you to look upon. Do you not know that the building up of the kingdom of God...is to be done by little acts? You breathe one breath at a time; each moment is set apart to its act, and each act to its moment. It is the moments and the little acts that make the sum of the life of man. Let every second, minute, hour, and day we live be spent in doing that which we know to be right."


-President Brigham Young(Journal of Discourses, 3:342-43)